Sunday, March 22, 2009

Faith & Fear

I don't normally post my deepest, darkest thoughts on here for everyone to read, but I feel compelled to do so today. I was so thankful for the lesson given in Releif Society today. We spoke a lot on how faith and fear cannot exist together. I really thought about this and my thoughts turned to my sweet Bailey. She may only be 3 years old but I have already worried about her enough to last a lifetime. She is a late talker, she is SO all over the place and doesn't sit still for long, and has just been my challenge from the start. While I wouldn't change her for anything, I have worried about her. As I sat today and listened to what was being said about faith and fear. How they cannot exist at the same time. How fear is Satan. I was moved. I have let fear paralyze me. I have let Satan paralyze me. I have been so consumed with fear over "what if" something is wrong with Bailey that I have not fully let myself just enjoy who she is. Enjoy my sweet girl who makes roll on the ground with laughter at the funny things she does.
She has been to a number of specialists and no one has yet to tell me there is anything wrong with her. They are working with her, we have been blessed to get her SO much help for speech and the like. Heavenly Father knows her needs. He is aware of her struggles. He has put all the things necessary for her in our path. That is faith. Not being so fearful of the "what if's" that faith becomes invisible.
Today I am going to love her more, snuggle her more, and truly embrace the little lady that she is. Not be afraid to take her somehwere because others will think I have no control over my own child. Love her more because of the struggles she is facing, and working so hard to overcome. Today I feel priviledged that Heavenly Father would trust me enough to send me such a strong spirit to raise. I am grateful for a Heavenly Father who hears and answers our prayers. I have done my share of pleading with the Lord over my Bailey, but today I am so thankful and full of faith in the Lord. That no matter what, things will be okay.
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4 comments:

The Fish Family said...

I loved that lesson. I know that it is hard to not fear sometimes but when you finally make the decision to have faith instead the situation almost seems easier. You are such an awesome mom and worrying about your kids is so natural. Bailey is a special little girl who is going to talk your ear off someday. I am glad that you had a great birthday. i just want you to know that I am grateful to have such an awesome friend. I love ya tons!!

March 23, 2009 at 9:29 AM
Brooke said...

What a sweet, heartfelt post. I know how you feel, I have been there....it is hard, so hard. The internet searching, fear in the back of your mind.

She is so blessed to be in your sweet family and it will just take a little longer for talking to click for her. It will happen!!

XOXO
Brooke

March 24, 2009 at 8:54 PM
Andrea said...

That is so sweet Ash. It's so true. I think worrying about kids is just part of it all!! You're a wonderful mom for being on top of it. She will be fine!! :) More than fine! :)

March 29, 2009 at 4:21 PM
bematheson said...

Im going to have to say Amen to that, i let fear and worry overpower me way more than i should, and im sure i miss out on alot. I agree though Bailey is an awesome kid, she may be all over the place but i think alot of it is her personality, i love her, she is one of the funniest and most entertaining kids i know....shes gonna be just fine..:) but i hear ya kids make me worry too much its insane stuff you never thought youd have to worry about.

April 9, 2009 at 10:16 AM

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